1 00:00:02,760 --> 00:00:04,080 Ah! Uh... sppp. 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:05,280 Oooooh. 3 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:06,480 BELL DINGS 4 00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,520 POPPING Is this a joke? 5 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:11,360 Yeah. 6 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:14,320 POPPING SHE SIGHS 7 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:15,640 Oh! 8 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:18,800 DINGING 9 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:20,360 HE GROANS Oh! 10 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:22,240 LAUGHING: I like that. 11 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:24,240 Wow. 12 00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:33,640 APPLAUSE 13 00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:34,720 Oh, hello 14 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,280 and welcome to Taskmaster. 15 00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:39,120 I'm Greg Davies and I'm so drunk on power, 16 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:42,000 that my eyes sometimes spin round in different directions. 17 00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:44,880 I'm so intoxicated by my own authority 18 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:47,480 that I sometimes rip my own shirt open, 19 00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,320 and howl like the mighty wolf. 20 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,360 And I'm so inclined towards a diet of processed food, 21 00:00:52,400 --> 00:00:53,800 that I'm at the high end 22 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,520 of the British Medical Association's obesity scale. 23 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:57,640 FACT. 24 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,720 But, some people have it so much worse than me. 25 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:03,080 And those people are... 26 00:01:03,120 --> 00:01:05,240 Alan Davies, APPLAUSE 27 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,880 Desiree Burch, APPLAUSE 28 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,720 Guz Khan, APPLAUSE 29 00:01:09,760 --> 00:01:11,920 Morgana Robinson APPLAUSE 30 00:01:11,960 --> 00:01:14,200 and Victoria Coren Mitchell. APPLAUSE 31 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:15,840 And next to me 32 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:17,520 a man who once told me in private, 33 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:20,160 that he doesn't really like women, 34 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:23,320 because he thinks they've got a bit "too chopsy of late." 35 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:27,320 It's little Alex Horne. APPLAUSE 36 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,280 You shouldn't really clap that. Shouldn't really clap it. 37 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:32,640 No. Well out of order, innit it? Boo. 38 00:01:32,680 --> 00:01:34,160 "A bit chopsy" indeed. 39 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:35,440 OK. Well, I apologise 40 00:01:35,480 --> 00:01:37,960 that in the private conversation that didn't happen, 41 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:41,480 I called all women "chopsy." 42 00:01:41,520 --> 00:01:43,640 I also don't know what chopsy means. 43 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:46,000 You told me it meant unnecessarily talkative. 44 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,720 LAUGHTER 45 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,280 Come on then, let's have your banter. 46 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,600 Yes. Do you notice anything different about me? No. 47 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:53,800 I... am now left-handed. 48 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:56,360 See that? Yep. 49 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,320 What time is it? Oh! 50 00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,400 It's on the other one. 51 00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:00,520 What's wrong with you? 52 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:02,680 I read on social media all the time, 53 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,360 "Oh, the dynamic between them is just bullying." 54 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,960 "It's just old-fashioned bullying." Well, who wouldn't bully you? 55 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:11,440 Mate, you're quite right. I deserve it. 56 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:13,080 OK. Right. 57 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:14,800 Prize task. What's the category? 58 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,440 Well, it's The Most Awesome Square. 59 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:22,000 {\an5}Greg will judge which square is the most awesome and give five points to its owner at the end of the ep 60 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,160 short for episode. 61 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:24,400 The win - short for winner, 62 00:02:24,440 --> 00:02:27,560 will take five awesome squares H - short for home. 63 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:34,320 Hey, Desiree! Hey. 64 00:02:34,360 --> 00:02:37,640 What's the most awesome square that you decided you'd bring in? 65 00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,880 So, I decided I would bring in a fortune teller. 66 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:42,280 A paper fortune teller. 67 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,080 Which is just right here. 68 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,640 Ah. This is a square full of awesomeness. 69 00:02:46,680 --> 00:02:48,760 You may remember these from grade school? 70 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,000 Yeah. Yes. 71 00:02:50,040 --> 00:02:53,720 And I will give you a fortune if you would like to play. Oh. 72 00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:56,720 So, pick a colour - 73 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,960 purple, orange, green or pink. 74 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,600 Um, pink, please. Pink. All right. 75 00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,000 P-I-N-K. 76 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:03,600 All right. Now, pick a number. 77 00:03:03,640 --> 00:03:06,720 So, you can pick from pi, 69, 78 00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,640 13, or Desiree's number. 79 00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:10,880 Pi, please. 80 00:03:10,920 --> 00:03:12,560 All right. Pi. 81 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:14,560 Your awesome fortune is... 82 00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:18,920 ..you will take a ride in a classic convertible on a warm spring day 83 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,960 and all the lights will change to green, 84 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,440 just before you reach them. 85 00:03:22,480 --> 00:03:24,880 Oh. Doesn't that sound awesome? 86 00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:27,680 You could have met the Obamas, if you had chosen better. 87 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,680 It's nonsense, isn't it? 88 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:34,760 {\an5}Because I'd like to meet the Obamas, and I'd like to go for a lovely ride in a car, but... 89 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,280 It's an awesome square, full of awesome fortunes... 90 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:38,936 But, they're not. ..that you could awesomely have. 91 00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:42,000 To make me a promise and then not to be able to deliver on it, 92 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:43,880 is the opposite of awesome. SHE LAUGHS 93 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,400 All right, all right. 94 00:03:45,440 --> 00:03:48,960 I'm slightly warmed by the idea I might meet the Obamas one day. 95 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,120 They seem like a great couple. 96 00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,760 Really got their shit together. 97 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,960 Um... Morgana, can you beat that? 98 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,400 I brought in Albert Square. Oh. 99 00:03:57,440 --> 00:03:59,760 Here's Albert Square in a snow globe. 100 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:01,640 I mean, you can't argue with it. 101 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:03,640 Is Albert Square awesome? 102 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:05,240 Of course it's awesome. 103 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:07,360 Is it awesome? It's part of the furniture. 104 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:08,816 I haven't watched Eastenders for a while, 105 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:12,560 {\an5}but I remember Albert Square as being a fairly treacherous place to be. 106 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:17,400 I know that, you know, you're gonna piss off a lot of people at home 107 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,000 if you don't give me at least five points. 108 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:21,200 So be it. 109 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:25,120 135 residents of Albert Square have died so far. 110 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:27,360 35 murders, 20 car crashes, 111 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,120 two speedboat accidents. 112 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,240 Two. 113 00:04:30,280 --> 00:04:32,400 Two speedboat accidents. 114 00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:33,840 In central London. 115 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:35,960 They were two people in the same accident. 116 00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:37,016 OK. That's pretty awesome. 117 00:04:37,040 --> 00:04:40,240 {\an5}Victoria, have you brought a better, more awesome square than Albert Square? 118 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:41,760 Yes, I have. I have brought 119 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,480 the triple word score from a Scrabble board. 120 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:46,680 Here it is. 121 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:49,680 It is the most awesome square on the Scrabble board. 122 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,376 It's the most awesome square in board-gaming. 123 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:53,880 Some would say, "What about the eighth square of a chess board? 124 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,056 "Where the pawn becomes a queen? That represents social mobility." 125 00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:57,160 I say, "No." 126 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,600 This is a square 127 00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:00,400 that trebles the points . 128 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:04,360 It's red. It physically resembles the second most awesome square, 129 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,240 Mr Strong - from the Mr Men. 130 00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:07,920 He's the most awesome of the Mr Men. 131 00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:10,760 Not the sexiest. That would be Mr Messy after he's had the blow dry. 132 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,760 You know when he goes all smooth? And, in a world where you respect 133 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,800 the scoring game as the highest form, 134 00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:18,720 which you must do, to be doing this nonsense, 135 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:20,960 you must say that the triple word score 136 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,296 would be the most awesome square. 137 00:05:22,320 --> 00:05:25,040 I mean, the fact that I've been seduced into thinking that 138 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,760 a square from Scrabble 139 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,120 is more exciting than a speedboat accident, 140 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,680 is impressive, Victoria. Well done. 141 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:33,880 Who can beat it? 142 00:05:33,920 --> 00:05:36,280 Alan. I've made a square. 143 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:37,960 Good. We like initiative. 144 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:39,360 Which I painted 145 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:42,480 and then I cut out, rather like I'd kidnapped it. 146 00:05:42,520 --> 00:05:44,480 I cut out letters from magazines 147 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:46,280 that say, "An awesome square." 148 00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:48,680 ALEX SNIGGERS But, cunningly, 149 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:50,160 there's an extra surprise, 150 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,000 because, it's actually three litres of rose. 151 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,280 VICTORIA INHALES Here it is. It's a wine box. 152 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:58,200 And that... 153 00:05:58,240 --> 00:05:59,760 Ohhhh. 154 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:03,040 And that is the killer blow. 155 00:06:03,080 --> 00:06:04,600 I mean, honestly, 156 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:06,240 it's a pretty awesome square. 157 00:06:06,280 --> 00:06:09,280 Um, technically a box, or a cube. 158 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:10,680 A square's two-dimensional. 159 00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,040 - VICTORIA: Come on. - That's just true. 160 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,760 We could have all gone out and gotten rose, now, couldn't we not? 161 00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:20,440 Technically it's 17.5cm by 18.5cm, 162 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:22,640 so, it's a rectangle. Ohhhh. 163 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:24,840 It's very difficult to find 164 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:27,360 wine boxes in a square form. 165 00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,320 There is a thing called a wine cube, 166 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:33,520 {\an5}which I could have paid import tax on, to bring over from the United States. 167 00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:36,080 I mean, the fact you did the research, is enough for me. 168 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:37,800 Brilliant 169 00:06:37,840 --> 00:06:38,880 and heartbreaking. 170 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:40,280 Guz. 171 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:41,680 This is much less about me, 172 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:43,280 more the individual behind it. 173 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,160 But, there's a lovely geezer called Sam Osmond 174 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,120 and he inboxed me on social media, 175 00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,040 and he said, "I like what you do. 176 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,760 "So, can I send you a gift?" 177 00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:53,200 It turns out, it was a square. 178 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:55,760 And I would like you to have a look, please, at this. 179 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,240 THEY GASP 180 00:06:57,280 --> 00:06:59,800 Oh, that is dope. That's dope. 181 00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,840 That is proper. 182 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,200 She's right. It's dope. 183 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:06,280 It's hard not to say that's the most awesome square. 184 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,400 OK. Ready? 185 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:09,200 I'm ready. You're not gonna like this. 186 00:07:09,240 --> 00:07:10,240 Who? Me? 187 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:11,960 No, Desiree. Oh. 188 00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:16,040 Gets one point. 189 00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:18,280 And I think Eastenders is an institution, 190 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:20,640 but I don't think that square's positive, 191 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,496 I think it's a square that people should avoid. 192 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:24,320 I can only give you two points, I'm afraid. 193 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:27,680 It's absolute flannel, but it's beautifully spoken flannel, 194 00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:28,776 Victoria takes three points. 195 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:29,880 OK? Thank you. 196 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,760 And, um, you know, who am I to say that Alan's tragic wine box 197 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:35,880 is better than Guz Khan's actual face? 198 00:07:35,920 --> 00:07:38,880 But, I'm not. So, four points to Alan. 199 00:07:38,920 --> 00:07:42,160 OK. Five points. Guz Khan. 200 00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,520 Well deserved. 201 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:44,640 Lovely. 202 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,080 Right now. Let's have a look at a task proper, shall we? 203 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:51,400 {\an5}I think we should. And I think it should be the first team task of the series. 204 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:53,360 And it should be a monumental one. 205 00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,840 And here it is. 206 00:08:09,880 --> 00:08:11,040 Jesus. 207 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:12,480 Hello. 208 00:08:14,360 --> 00:08:15,520 You look nice. 209 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:16,640 Thank you. 210 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,280 Hi, Alan. Morning. 211 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,280 You all right? Yes, thanks. 212 00:08:22,320 --> 00:08:23,880 Please, don't touch that just yet. 213 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,760 Oh, shit. I've got a friend. 214 00:08:25,800 --> 00:08:28,920 Hello. Heyyyy. 215 00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,280 My boots are a bit big. 216 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:32,840 Your boots are too big? 217 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,360 Yeah. What about the hat? 218 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,800 The hat's a little bit tight, but that's all right. 219 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,880 Well, you can open the task in about one minute. 220 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:40,040 In about one minute? 221 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:41,640 Yes, please. OK. 222 00:08:41,680 --> 00:08:43,680 VICTORIA: Ah! Hello. Hello. 223 00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:45,120 Hello. Nice to see you. 224 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,840 How are you? I'm all right, thanks. 225 00:08:46,880 --> 00:08:48,960 ALEX: Morgana, this is Guz. Guz, this is Morgana. 226 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:52,600 {\an5}I know who Morgana is, bro, thank you very much. I know who Guz is. Duh! 227 00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,640 I got social media and things like this. 228 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,160 Well, you can start, if you like. 229 00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,560 You can open the task. 230 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:01,040 What's happening here? 231 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,640 Ah, Desiree! 232 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,040 What? MORGANA SCREAMS 233 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:06,520 SCREAMING: Hello. 234 00:09:06,560 --> 00:09:08,800 Well, you can open the task now, team. Oh, OK. 235 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,040 DESIREE: All right. 236 00:09:10,080 --> 00:09:12,760 "Scale the mountain." 237 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:20,720 "Your attempt must last exactly five minutes 238 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:24,480 "and will be sped up by five times afterwards." 239 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:29,440 "Most thrilling ascent wins." 240 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,640 "You must start your ascent within the next ten minutes." 241 00:09:32,680 --> 00:09:34,000 Can I be honest? 242 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:36,680 I ain't got any ideas. So, whatever you tell me to do... Well... 243 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,120 ..I'll do it. ..I mean, a flag is gonna be planted, at least. 244 00:09:40,160 --> 00:09:42,240 - Have you got this sort of thing? - Ropes and... 245 00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:43,680 I've got ice picks. 246 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,040 OK. 247 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:46,600 There's kit. There's gloves. 248 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,520 I guess we work out a storyline. 249 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,560 We could put a rope across the top with these, 250 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:52,896 as if it's somewhere really exclusive we're trying to get to. 251 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,040 Shall we have one flag for the VIP area? 252 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:00,600 What if, one of us dies? It can be me. 253 00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:05,240 You see, I'm having trouble undoing the exclusivity rope. 254 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:07,160 Guys, look how nice your ropes are. 255 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:09,880 My rope isn't, it won't open. What is going on? 256 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:13,480 If you wanted to have a cocktail in the VIP area... 257 00:10:13,520 --> 00:10:15,280 That's what we need, cocktails. 258 00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:17,680 Can we get a couple of cocktails? Yep. We need cocktails. 259 00:10:17,720 --> 00:10:19,520 ALEX: OK team, good luck. 260 00:10:19,560 --> 00:10:20,920 I've got the compass. 261 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,600 See, I would normally have snacks. 262 00:10:22,640 --> 00:10:23,840 I've got two right gloves. 263 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,680 Would we need snacks of some kind? They'll be up there. 264 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,080 APPLAUSE 265 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,360 I hate to group you as two different age groups... 266 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:38,680 VICTORIA: Careful. Yeah, I'm sorry, Victoria. Mm-hm. 267 00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,920 Just, the tonal difference between the two. 268 00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:44,920 This giddy sixth-form party that's going on with the three. 269 00:10:44,960 --> 00:10:48,520 Morgana volunteering to die, 270 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,000 "I can die. I don't mind." 271 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:55,720 And then there's this sort of, weary, 272 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,520 Alan Bennett-esque couple 273 00:10:58,560 --> 00:11:00,800 talking about what snacks they'd have. 274 00:11:00,840 --> 00:11:03,456 {\an5}If you're gonna have a cocktail, you've gotta have snacks, are you mad? 275 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:05,560 Yeah. Yeah, the well known cocktail lounge, 276 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,600 it's just above base camp. 277 00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:09,160 No, it was a metaphor. 278 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,280 We were social climbing. 279 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:13,560 Social climbing. That's it. I remember now. 280 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:15,200 Yes, it was quite sophisticated. 281 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,600 Yeah, this is more of your 282 00:11:16,640 --> 00:11:19,320 very, very eloquent bullshit. 283 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:22,080 ALL LAUGHING 284 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,440 We're looking for the most thrilling ascent. 285 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:28,520 And first to the foot of the mountain are Victoria and Albert. 286 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:29,840 Good. 287 00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:36,280 OK, climbers, you may begin your ascent. 288 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,080 OK. I'm at the bottom. 289 00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,320 I'm just gonna do this free climbing. 290 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,880 You go. Yeah. I'll bring the gear. You bring the gear. 291 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,400 {\an5}Hang on, I've got the rope round my leg. 292 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:51,240 HAMMERING 293 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:53,000 {\an8}I don't know what that does. 294 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,600 {\an5}Ooh. My flag's broken. My flag's broken. 295 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:58,320 Hurry up. 296 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,080 What's the problem down there? 297 00:12:00,120 --> 00:12:02,280 I've lost some of the kit. 298 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:04,640 I'm gonna go back down. I've lost some of the kit. 299 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,040 I've got it. 300 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:07,560 You're making this look difficult. 301 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,840 Whoa! Alan. Argh. 302 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,360 Argh. You go on. 303 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,680 Save yourself. 304 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:20,280 Ow. I feel like someone who's married beneath me. 305 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:24,800 {\an5}Do you need to do your hair, or anything, before you go in? 306 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:26,440 I've got my manicure kit, here. 307 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:33,720 Well, don't go without me. 308 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,360 Oh. 309 00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:36,440 We're in. 310 00:12:36,480 --> 00:12:38,320 Cheers. Cheers. 311 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,200 We got there. 312 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:42,680 APPLAUSE 313 00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:45,840 MORGANA: That's very good. GUZ: That's good. 314 00:12:45,880 --> 00:12:48,520 So, there was a narrative, of sorts. 315 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:50,160 My feeling is that 316 00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,240 Alan did the lamest impression of anyone 317 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,040 using ice picks to start with, 318 00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:58,400 {\an5}and then he got on to the mountain and the impression was quite convincing. 319 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,000 Now, while all that was going on, 320 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:03,240 I think that Victoria shimmied up the side of the mountain, 321 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,800 did her nails and had a drink. 322 00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:08,760 Victoria didn't bring any kit, except for the nail file. 323 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:11,240 Well, Alan was carrying the kit gallantly. 324 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,720 She skittered up the mountain, 325 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,240 What can I say? I enjoyed it. 326 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:15,360 {\an5}Right. Advert time. 327 00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,240 {\an5}You go and have a plop and a tinkle 328 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:18,680 {\an5}and we'll see you in five. 329 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:20,640 APPLAUSE 330 00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,520 APPLAUSE 331 00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:28,600 {\an5}Oh, hello everybody. 332 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,440 I'm glad you made it back and I hope you washed your hands. 333 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:32,840 {\an5}I certainly did, 334 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,320 after a very thorough wipe. 335 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:38,840 {\an5}Before the break, the teams were trying to make the most thrilling ascent of Mount Kasarest. 336 00:13:38,880 --> 00:13:40,840 We've seen Alan and Victoria's attempt. 337 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,280 Now for the team of three - 338 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:45,200 it's Morgana Robinson, Desiree Burch and Guz Khan. 339 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,520 {\an5}GUS: Desiree, we're waiting for you, baby girl. 340 00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:54,280 All right. Baby, what are we doing? 341 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:57,360 {\an5}Uh, we're hammering. We're hammering in our first spikes. 342 00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,680 We're hammering. 343 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,200 I haven't got them. 344 00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:01,480 Oh, you can borrow mine. 345 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:03,240 ALEX: That's 30 seconds gone. 346 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,320 30 seconds! 347 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,520 GROANING 348 00:14:06,560 --> 00:14:09,240 {\an8}D, I'm on the side of the mountain. 349 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,320 Be careful. 350 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:12,240 {\an5}You're doing great. Everyone's doing great. 351 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:15,120 Here, you gotta take the flag. 352 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:16,920 Argh! 353 00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:18,800 What happened? 354 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:20,040 I'm bleeding. Oh, no. 355 00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:23,440 I'm bleeding. 356 00:14:23,480 --> 00:14:25,680 Help. Hold on. 357 00:14:25,720 --> 00:14:28,080 Help. Oh, no. Argh. 358 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,440 I'm gonna die anyway. You might as well eat me to get to the top. 359 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:33,400 {\an8}Do you have any arse bread? 360 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:34,720 I do have arse bread. 361 00:14:34,760 --> 00:14:37,400 I'm gonna cut it off. I'm cutting it off. I'm cutting it off. 362 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:39,040 Enjoy. 363 00:14:39,080 --> 00:14:40,520 Tell my mother I love her. 364 00:14:40,560 --> 00:14:42,600 I'll never forget you. 365 00:14:42,640 --> 00:14:43,840 Did she die? 366 00:14:43,880 --> 00:14:45,240 Yeah. I mean, she's gone. 367 00:14:45,280 --> 00:14:48,560 I might have the energy now. 368 00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,200 I think we can make it. 369 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,920 {\an8}Desiree! Desiree! 370 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,840 Whoaaaaaa. 371 00:14:55,880 --> 00:15:00,120 APPLAUSE 372 00:15:05,520 --> 00:15:08,200 Yes! Yes! 373 00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:12,960 CHEERING, APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER 374 00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,640 Wow. Well, 375 00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:17,720 as far as I can work out, 376 00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:19,720 Morgana selflessly gave her life 377 00:15:19,760 --> 00:15:22,360 by chopping off sections of her own buttocks. 378 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,360 LAUGHTER 379 00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:27,760 She's well known for the arse bread. Yeah. Light and fluffy. 380 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:29,560 With a nice crust. 381 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:32,360 You perished, presumably from your wound. 382 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,760 The surviving members pushed to the summit. 383 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,080 Tragically, 384 00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:38,880 Guz was killed 385 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:40,720 in an awful fall, 386 00:15:40,760 --> 00:15:43,360 leaving Desiree being the only climber to reach the summit, 387 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:44,800 where she celebrated 388 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:47,320 and, um, the last thing we saw was 389 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:48,880 Guz with a croissant on his face. 390 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:51,360 Arse bread was on my face. That was arse bread you saw. 391 00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,560 It was a really great bit of acting, Guz. 392 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,600 The only thing is, Desiree's character seemed to get over 393 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,760 the tragedy that befell her two climbers... Yeah. 394 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,680 There was really a back story that I was, you know, the leader. 395 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,840 I do a school of climbing 396 00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:10,200 and so, I got to keep the deposits, 397 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:11,640 because they were dead. 398 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:15,600 Listen, I'm going to give 399 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,840 the Arse Bread Tragedy... 400 00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:19,600 ..I'm gonna give them all five points. 401 00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:21,280 Ooh, that's a lot. Yeah. High five. 402 00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,360 I'm going to give Alan and Victoria three points. 403 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:26,616 Three points each. But the winners are the team of three. 404 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,680 APPLAUSE 405 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:30,960 Rightio. 406 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,080 Two people have got six. Two people have got seven. 407 00:16:33,120 --> 00:16:35,360 But Guz Khan's in the lead with ten points. 408 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,120 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 409 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,400 Lovely. 410 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,280 What's next, please, little Alex Horne? 411 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:46,080 Oh, it's my absolute favourite food receptacle, 412 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:47,240 doggie bags. 413 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,400 Ooh. 414 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,880 Morgana. Hi. 415 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:06,560 Oh. 416 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:08,000 A lot of emotions there. 417 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,160 Mm. 418 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,000 This looks disgusting. 419 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:13,680 Pretty colours. 420 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,040 That looks like poop. 421 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,120 Is that five bags of poop? 422 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,560 VICTORIA: The spoon is particularly sinister. 423 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:25,520 "Work out the contents of the..." Oy-yoy. 424 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,920 "Work out the contents of these bags." 425 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,800 "You may not open the bags." 426 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:31,160 "You can either, 427 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,760 "ask Alex to make one tiny hole in each bag 428 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,880 "and have five minutes examination time..." 429 00:17:37,920 --> 00:17:41,880 "During which you must eat at least one big spoonful from each bag." 430 00:17:43,600 --> 00:17:45,880 "Or..." 431 00:17:45,920 --> 00:17:49,840 "Ask Alex to put all the contents in a blender for one minute..." 432 00:17:49,880 --> 00:17:52,680 "And then have ten minutes examination time, 433 00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:54,600 "during which eating is optional." 434 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,880 Lord have mercy! 435 00:17:57,800 --> 00:17:58,840 OK, I've got questions. 436 00:17:58,880 --> 00:18:00,640 Question one. Is it all edible? 437 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:02,200 Yes. Two. 438 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,840 Is any of it meat? 439 00:18:03,880 --> 00:18:04,960 No. Three. 440 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,600 Is any of it grapefruit? 441 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:08,600 How many things are you going to ask? 442 00:18:08,640 --> 00:18:11,600 A little hole, or blender? I need a choice in two seconds. 443 00:18:11,640 --> 00:18:13,600 Oh, no... hole. 444 00:18:13,640 --> 00:18:15,280 Go on, then. 445 00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:17,040 Make the little hole. 446 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:19,040 What would you like me to do, Alan? 447 00:18:19,080 --> 00:18:22,040 I think I'm gonna taste them, Alex. 448 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:23,280 We're gonna have a spoon, 449 00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:24,800 because 450 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,120 if you're gonna wham it in a blender, 451 00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,080 how am I supposed to differentiate, brother? 452 00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,040 Blend it. B. We're gonna go for B. 453 00:18:31,080 --> 00:18:32,200 We're going for B? Yeah. 454 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,320 Why would you even go for A? 455 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:36,280 Why would you go for A? 456 00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:37,560 Might be hungry. 457 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:40,840 Victoria, 458 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,720 you often have the demeanour of somebody who's come in 459 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:45,400 to a disaster situation and said, 460 00:18:45,440 --> 00:18:47,840 "Right, everybody listen to me. This is what we're gonna do." 461 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,040 And I like that. And I've only got one question, 462 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,040 which is, what happens if you eat grapefruit? 463 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,640 Er, suffer liver damage. 464 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,280 Keep it light. Sorry. LAUGHING 465 00:18:57,320 --> 00:18:58,520 I'll put it another way. 466 00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,400 I'm allergic to grapefruit. 467 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:02,400 All right. 468 00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:03,800 Let's see some stuff. 469 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,560 OK, so the first two mucky pups to digest the doggie bag dishes are... 470 00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:11,000 Guz-zle Khan and Alan-mentary Canal. 471 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,240 Here we go. 472 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,840 OK, Alan, your five minutes starts now. 473 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:27,880 Good luck, Guz. Oy-oy-oy-oy-oy. 474 00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,880 Look at the size of this spoon. 475 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:32,800 This is quite hard to get out of the hole. 476 00:19:32,840 --> 00:19:35,680 That's part of the task, is it? Yes. 477 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,800 Oh, it's an absolute shit-bag! HE LAUGHS 478 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:41,320 Don't know why the word shit-bag came to mind. 479 00:19:41,360 --> 00:19:43,240 Eurghhhh. 480 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,840 This is really yucky. 481 00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:48,080 Am I allowed to enlarge the hole? I couldn't say you're not. 482 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:52,120 I can tell you already, by the texture, 483 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,960 this is a Fererro Rocher. BUZZING 484 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:57,200 Maybe. 485 00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,360 It's like a Nutella DINGING 486 00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,040 with some cornflakes. BUZZING 487 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,760 This is a chocolate affair. 488 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:05,680 {\an5}Bit of a nutty feel, like a hazelnut. 489 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:06,920 DINGING 490 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:09,120 How long's gone? A minute-and-a-half, Alan. 491 00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,320 You're behind schedule. 492 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:13,000 Oh. 493 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,040 COUGHING 494 00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:16,720 Is that a full spoon? It looks like a spoon to me. 495 00:20:18,680 --> 00:20:20,080 That doesn't look very nice. 496 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:23,360 I haven't got a clue what that is. 497 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,800 Oh, what's that? There's bits coming outside. 498 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,240 Toffee? DINGING 499 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,880 Toffee and some sort of fruit. 500 00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,520 Soft fruit, like a peach? BUZZER 501 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,760 Brrrr. 502 00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:36,920 Eurgh. Pooh. 503 00:20:36,960 --> 00:20:38,880 Oh, that's actually, um, 504 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:41,560 definitely from someone's puppy. 505 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:44,080 I've seen that curled up on the floor at the vets. 506 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,320 What's that? 507 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,440 Maybe it's some kind of vegetable. 508 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,960 Guz, you've only got two minutes left for the last three bags. 509 00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,080 Oh. 510 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,600 Oof. 511 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,680 Eurgh. 512 00:21:02,720 --> 00:21:04,120 It tastes sort of meaty. 513 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:08,040 I'm hoping it's not, because I haven't eaten meat since 1986. 514 00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:09,960 Argh. 515 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:13,040 TALKS INDISTINCTLY THROUGH FOOD 516 00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:14,520 I don't know what's in that. 517 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:16,040 Like a tofu, maybe? BUZZER 518 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:17,360 Lentils? BUZZER 519 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,080 I've never had this flavour in my life. 520 00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:21,360 You've only got one minute 15. OK, I'm stuck... 521 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,240 ..you're making me eat. 522 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,840 Halal dog food, or something. BUZZER 523 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,200 {\an5}I don't know what that is. I dunno. 524 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:29,720 Eurgh. 525 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,840 That's a bad... AUDIENCE GROANS 526 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:33,520 ..that's a bad night, innit? 527 00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,280 I think this has got banana in. DINGING 528 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:38,240 Banana and soy sauce. BUZZING 529 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:39,320 Oh, delicious. 530 00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:41,216 GARBLED THROUGH FOOD: All the things you gave me, 531 00:21:41,240 --> 00:21:44,040 it all is shit. Write, "shit" down. 532 00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:45,760 Shit, yeah? BUZZER 533 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:47,960 Right, 20 seconds left, Guz. Oh, God. 534 00:21:48,040 --> 00:21:50,520 Oh, that's very considerate. It's a sort of dessert to finish. 535 00:21:55,360 --> 00:21:57,720 I'm very pleased with this, Al. 536 00:21:57,760 --> 00:22:02,120 GUZ GROANS AND RETCHES Ten seconds. 537 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:05,760 GARBLED: So bad. 538 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,400 Salad cream, BUZZER 539 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:09,840 laced with... mango. 540 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:11,160 BUZZER WHISTLE BLOWS 541 00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,840 {\an5}That's your time up, Alan. Thanks very much. Bye bye. 542 00:22:13,880 --> 00:22:15,280 What do you think it is, Guz? 543 00:22:15,320 --> 00:22:17,000 GARBLED: It's mayonnaise. 544 00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:18,560 DINGING 545 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,720 WHISTLE 546 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,160 GARBLED THROUGH FOOD: Can I go? 547 00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,440 RETCHING 548 00:22:33,120 --> 00:22:35,120 I mean, essentially, Guz, your attempt 549 00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:36,840 looked like feeding time 550 00:22:36,880 --> 00:22:39,840 at a retirement home for very angry people. 551 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:42,120 LAUGHING 552 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,480 I thought this show had, it were more class. Yeah? 553 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:49,280 Everything tasted like it'd gone off. 554 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:51,360 Didn't taste delicious. 555 00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:54,960 Alan, I know we said you had to have a spoonful of all of the bags, 556 00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,080 but the thing that struck me most about your attempt, 557 00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:00,880 is that you were taking giant spoonfuls. 558 00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:02,600 The first one 559 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,080 was really quite hard to eat. 560 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,680 I had really a lot of it. 561 00:23:05,720 --> 00:23:07,680 It did say, "a large spoonful." 562 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,000 But it didn't say a HEAPED large spoonful. 563 00:23:10,040 --> 00:23:13,000 The big difference between the two men, as well, 564 00:23:13,040 --> 00:23:14,760 Guz was retching and screaming, 565 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,960 Alan looked like he was at a wine tasting. 566 00:23:19,080 --> 00:23:21,240 Well, he got three out of the ten ingredients correct. 567 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:22,440 Well done. Oh, all right. 568 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:25,360 I mean, the first one wasn't too bad, it was Nutella and nachos. 569 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:26,720 They both got Nutella. 570 00:23:26,760 --> 00:23:28,016 Second one, cabbage and caramel. 571 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:30,720 Then we had gravy and granola. That was in the green bag. 572 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:32,080 Banana and Bovril. 573 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,960 Marmite for vegans and vegetarians. 574 00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:36,480 Mustard and mayonnaise, the last one. 575 00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,080 We can't give you salad cream, but we can give you mayonnaise. 576 00:23:39,120 --> 00:23:43,000 So, three for Alan. Two-and-a-half for Guz. 577 00:23:43,040 --> 00:23:46,440 {\an5}I've given him a half point, because he said "vegetable," and it was cabbage. 578 00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:48,560 Well, that seems more than generous. 579 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,640 Want to see another pair? Yes, please. 580 00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:51,976 I've also given them funny names. 581 00:23:52,000 --> 00:23:55,240 It's now time for Desiree Burps and Victoria Coren Mitchell-in Star. 582 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:01,840 DESIREE: Gross. I'm gonna vom. 583 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,080 CRUNCHING 584 00:24:04,120 --> 00:24:05,520 Mm. 585 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,760 Nutella and... DINGING 586 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:12,800 {\an5}..cornflakes? 587 00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:13,880 {\an5}BUZZER 588 00:24:13,920 --> 00:24:15,520 {\an5}There's some kind of cereal in here. 589 00:24:15,560 --> 00:24:17,080 I think this is a mix of 590 00:24:17,120 --> 00:24:18,600 Nutella DINGING 591 00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,440 and tortilla chips. DINGING 592 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:23,440 Oh, gross. 593 00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:25,680 Oh, nasty. 594 00:24:28,840 --> 00:24:30,160 It's got a vegetable in it. 595 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,160 I don't have to eat it in one bite. 596 00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:36,560 Oh, I should have done, though. 597 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,640 I hate everybody! 598 00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:41,000 Eurgh. 599 00:24:44,160 --> 00:24:46,400 I want to say, it's caramel sauce 600 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:47,960 and onion skin. OK. DINGING AND BUZZING 601 00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,880 I think I am gonna legit vomit. 602 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:51,520 Eurghhhhhh. 603 00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:57,040 This is like what's at the bottom of a bin when you take the rubbish out. 604 00:24:57,080 --> 00:24:58,240 Ah, OK. 605 00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:00,240 This is like peanut butter and muesli. 606 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,000 I was wrong. 607 00:25:04,040 --> 00:25:05,160 I think this is 608 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,400 muesli DINGING 609 00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:09,840 and anchovy oil. BUZZING 610 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:12,080 Can you finish the spoon? 611 00:25:12,120 --> 00:25:13,400 Yup. 612 00:25:13,440 --> 00:25:14,840 Eurghhhh. 613 00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,000 SCREAMING: Why is that like that? 614 00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:19,080 Whatever that is, it's not food. 615 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:22,680 I've seen that face before. 616 00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:26,160 Let's say banana 617 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:27,680 DINGING 618 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:29,960 and a sort of liquidised Marmite. DINGING 619 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,120 {\an5}OK. 620 00:25:31,160 --> 00:25:32,280 Eurgh. Last one. 621 00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,800 Gro... oh, gross! 622 00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:37,280 Eurgh. Ten seconds left. 623 00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:38,560 Might it be off? 624 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,680 This is probably Dijon mustard and mayo. 625 00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:44,720 Yep, that's what the fuck that is. DINGING 626 00:25:44,760 --> 00:25:46,600 {\an5}I'm gonna say mayonnaise and mustard. 627 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:49,080 {\an5}I'm gonna have some of this Nutella to take the taste away. 628 00:25:49,120 --> 00:25:51,040 WHISTLE BLOWING Well done, Victoria. 629 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:52,840 You've got 15 seconds. OK. 630 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:56,200 You've got Nutella and cornflakes. Onion and godforsaken bird vomit. 631 00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:58,280 {\an5}BUZZING 632 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,120 {\an5}This is, you know, garbage fire of all of those things. BUZZING 633 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:02,280 {\an5}And then this shit, 634 00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,960 is actually like oatmeal. 635 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:06,200 I don't know. 636 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:07,400 Death. BUZZER 637 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,800 WHISTLE BLOWING Oatmeal and death. Yeah. 638 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,200 APPLAUSE 639 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:18,880 I don't want to divide the two on national grounds, 640 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,680 but there was something very British 641 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,280 and accepting of the horror. 642 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:27,680 Yes, it's the anticipation. 643 00:26:27,720 --> 00:26:29,520 Most of it tasted all right. 644 00:26:29,560 --> 00:26:31,000 I mean... LAUGHING 645 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,400 Did it taste all right, Desiree? 646 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:34,320 It was a horror show. 647 00:26:34,360 --> 00:26:37,400 I think it just tells you a lot about what we ate as children. 648 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,080 That really just felt like a meal from the past. 649 00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:43,120 When I was a child, 650 00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:47,160 my grandma used to make the Sunday roast the day before. All of it. 651 00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:49,640 I mean, God rest her soul. Like, it was a bit off, 652 00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:52,680 and you'd be a bit ill, but grateful to have eaten. 653 00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:55,600 They both did pretty well. 654 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,200 Desiree got four right in the end. 655 00:26:57,240 --> 00:26:59,640 Not bad. Not bad. Victoria? 656 00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:01,000 Not bad at all. Ooh. 657 00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,520 Eight out of ten. 658 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:06,520 {\an5}DESIREE: Wow. What a wonderful celebration of your nan's terrible cooking. 659 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,600 Right, we're out of here for a few minutes. 660 00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:13,280 Maybe you've just got enough time to take the rubbish out. 661 00:27:13,320 --> 00:27:16,600 ♪ There's the green bin, the brown bin 662 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:18,040 ♪ The black bin, the caddy bin 663 00:27:18,080 --> 00:27:19,480 ♪ The battery bin, the bag bin 664 00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,280 ♪ The cardboard bin, the nappy bin The thin bin, the shallow bin 665 00:27:22,320 --> 00:27:23,920 {\an5}♪ The broken bin, the dirty bin 666 00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,400 ♪ And once you've been and binned them clean and preened them 667 00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:28,760 {\an5}♪ We'll be back again. ♪ 668 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,360 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 669 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:38,480 APPLAUSE 670 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:41,000 Hello. 671 00:27:41,040 --> 00:27:43,200 Welcome back once more to Taskmaster. 672 00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:44,320 {\an5}Before the break, 673 00:27:44,360 --> 00:27:47,760 {\an5}Alex had filled some little bags with a selection of smelly brown mess. 674 00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:49,960 Yes, Alan, Desiree, Guz and Victoria 675 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:52,760 squeezed the contents of the bags out on to a big spoon, 676 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,200 had a taste and then tried to guess the ingredients. 677 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:56,280 Morgana, however, 678 00:27:56,320 --> 00:27:57,560 opted for Option B. 679 00:27:57,600 --> 00:27:59,040 B for blending. 680 00:27:59,080 --> 00:28:00,680 Here's how she got on. 681 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:11,280 MORGANA SCOFFS 682 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,240 BLENDING 683 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:17,440 OK, that's the minute up. 684 00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:22,080 AUDIENCE GROAN 685 00:28:22,120 --> 00:28:23,800 OK, Morgana. You've got ten minutes. 686 00:28:25,000 --> 00:28:26,960 Go through the bins. 687 00:28:28,520 --> 00:28:29,960 Marmite DINGING 688 00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:31,160 {\an5}is one. 689 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:36,640 Salad cream. BUZZER 690 00:28:38,040 --> 00:28:39,720 Curry sauce. BUZZING 691 00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,520 Toffee... coconut? BUZZING 692 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:48,440 I think this is a chocolatey one. 693 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:54,200 Nacho-y things. Maybe nachos. DINGING 694 00:28:54,240 --> 00:28:55,360 With? 695 00:28:55,400 --> 00:28:57,120 With? Well, what's the brown stuff? 696 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,000 Chocolate. OK. BUZZING 697 00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:01,640 You haven't touched the mixture I made for you. 698 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,080 No. 699 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:04,360 Not tempted? 700 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,960 Can you just check for me? 701 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:08,240 Can you taste for me? 702 00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:09,800 What do you get? 703 00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,800 You want me to eat this and then tell you what I get? Yeah. 704 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:20,680 MORGANA LAUGHS DELIGHTEDLY AUDIENCE GROANING 705 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,800 Is it gonna go down? 706 00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:47,960 Uh. 707 00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:49,320 I'm really proud of you. 708 00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:54,600 APPLAUSE 709 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,400 Wow. Well, that's a close run thing, 710 00:29:56,440 --> 00:29:58,856 because I'll tell you now, that if Alex had actually been sick, 711 00:29:58,880 --> 00:30:00,600 I would have given you ten bonus points. 712 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,640 I was on the edge of my seat. 713 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,256 It's the closest I've come. Praying that he vomited on television. 714 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,120 You know, when someone looks genuinely worried? 715 00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:11,240 You can literally, put anything on a spoon, he'll gobble it right down. 716 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,720 Your technique was 717 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:15,400 to use option B, 718 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:18,000 but then to do option A, really. 719 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:21,640 {\an5}No, because I didn't have to eat a whole spoonful of it. I could just, sort, of, mm-mm-mm. 720 00:30:21,680 --> 00:30:25,360 {\an5}I did make an note that during it you often looked like a furtive garden bird. 721 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,000 She got the nachos, 722 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,640 she got the caramel, she got the Marmite. 723 00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:32,080 But that was it. So, just three. 724 00:30:32,120 --> 00:30:35,280 Which means that Guz only gets the one point. He came last. Ahh. 725 00:30:35,320 --> 00:30:37,200 Next, Morgana and Alan get three points each. 726 00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:38,320 Desiree gets four points. 727 00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,760 Victoria, who got nearly all of them right, 728 00:30:40,800 --> 00:30:42,880 gets five points. Ah. APPLAUSE 729 00:30:44,760 --> 00:30:46,440 Let's fire up the next task. 730 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:49,400 Yes, please. And I think we've had quite enough of being messy. 731 00:31:01,400 --> 00:31:02,600 What you saying, blood? 732 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:04,920 Hello. You all right? I'm all right, thank you. 733 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:07,000 Oh, shit, this is gonna be messy. 734 00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:08,480 D'you know what that is? 735 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:11,520 I mean, this is one of those little, I can't remember what you call them, 736 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:13,000 but you boingy-boingy everywhere. 737 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:16,640 Space hopper and some paint. 738 00:31:16,680 --> 00:31:19,920 Completely paint the space hopper... completely paint it. 739 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,640 Completely paint... SHE LAUGHS 740 00:31:22,680 --> 00:31:24,960 "Completely paint this space hopper..." 741 00:31:25,000 --> 00:31:27,040 That's what they're called, space hopper. 742 00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:30,720 "green, without making..." Without making any mess?! 743 00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:34,120 "The entire space hopper must be green. 744 00:31:34,160 --> 00:31:37,320 "The entire space hopper must stay in the dome." 745 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:40,200 Doesn't say I have to stay in the dome, does it? No. 746 00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,440 When you are satisfied that you are finished, 747 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:46,080 put your hands on your hips and bow deeply at your green space hopper. 748 00:31:46,120 --> 00:31:48,040 Fastest and least messy wins. 749 00:31:48,080 --> 00:31:49,840 Your time starts now. 750 00:31:49,880 --> 00:31:52,320 Can I ask you a question, bro? OK. 751 00:31:52,360 --> 00:31:55,120 When we're talking about, let's quantify this mess for a minute. 752 00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,240 Yeah? Uh-huh. 753 00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:58,240 It says "without making ANY mess." 754 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:00,560 So, am I right in assuming that even if there's 755 00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:01,760 one drop of green, 756 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,720 then we're off the seat? 757 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:09,120 I'm all for just getting stuck in to this. 758 00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:12,280 I want to see Desiree painting her boingy-boingy thing. 759 00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:13,800 Lets see how they did. 760 00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:15,720 OK, well sometimes they're a team, 761 00:32:15,760 --> 00:32:18,560 and sometimes they're just grouped into the same age bracket. 762 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:23,400 {\an5}It's Alan and Victoria. I'm not... why would you... I love you, but, 763 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,880 he is a bit... She's a lot younger than me. 764 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,720 I need paint brushes. 765 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,376 I'm assuming, somewhere there's a paint brush. 766 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,080 I mean, I could do it with my hands, but that really is 767 00:32:36,120 --> 00:32:37,440 the definition of mess, isn't it? 768 00:32:37,480 --> 00:32:39,600 RUMMAGING 769 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:40,680 They're a bit small. 770 00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:41,920 Fastest wins? 771 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:43,080 Fastest wins, Alan. 772 00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,280 I'll try not to make any mess. 773 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,560 I mean, this is a brush, but 774 00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:52,320 that's gonna take too long, isn't it? 775 00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:53,480 Yeah. 776 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,040 SHE GASPS 777 00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,760 It's not going green. It's really orange. Look at it. 778 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:05,920 So orange. 779 00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:09,360 It's interesting that I've gone for painting over his face first. 780 00:33:09,400 --> 00:33:11,080 They say that about murderers, 781 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:12,336 before they chop up the corpse, 782 00:33:12,360 --> 00:33:15,400 they cover the face, cos they don't want to be looked at. 783 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,480 Now, that's green. 784 00:33:24,520 --> 00:33:26,320 Uhhh. 785 00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:29,280 WAILING This is a disaster. 786 00:33:31,400 --> 00:33:32,720 Oh! Mess! 787 00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,040 Oh, no. 788 00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:37,480 I suppose you've got to do the little prongs, as well, right? 789 00:33:37,520 --> 00:33:39,520 The whole thing, please, Alan. The whole thing. 790 00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,760 The key is painting, because it would be really easy to just break 791 00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:47,040 and just, kind of, smear it all over with your hands. 792 00:33:47,080 --> 00:33:48,480 But, no. 793 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,560 Do you stop when it's all green, 794 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,040 or do you stop when you've had enough? 795 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:59,400 You've got to embrace moving a paint brush back and forth 796 00:33:59,440 --> 00:34:04,000 across the taut plastic corpse of the space hopper. 797 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,960 Oh, no. Look at this. 798 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,920 Don't you dare roll away. 799 00:34:15,280 --> 00:34:16,520 I'll stop the clock. 800 00:34:18,280 --> 00:34:20,760 I mean, this is cleaner than it was when I came in. 801 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:25,720 APPLAUSE 802 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:33,200 {\an5}I'm not sure that Alan fully understands the spirit of this competition. 803 00:34:33,240 --> 00:34:35,960 And I wrote down the quote, we'll pop it in the book, 804 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:38,640 "Do you stop when it's finished, or when you've had enough?" 805 00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,080 There didn't seem to be a great deal of urgency. 806 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,056 They started by getting two little paint brushes each. 807 00:34:45,080 --> 00:34:46,920 Yeah. I got it really green. 808 00:34:46,960 --> 00:34:48,960 Yeah, it was very green. Very green. 809 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,080 Victoria's was, er, stripy. 810 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,320 Alan's was a little bit more messy by the end, 811 00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,040 but he completed it in half the time. 812 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:58,040 Ten minutes 51. Victoria was 21 minutes 20. 813 00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,360 Most of that was cleaning. 814 00:35:01,200 --> 00:35:02,760 Good. D'you wanna see someone else? 815 00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:03,800 Oh, do I? 816 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:05,440 Yes, do you? Yes! 817 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:09,040 OK, well, now we're gonna see how Desiree and Morgana got on. 818 00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:10,200 Here we go. 819 00:35:10,240 --> 00:35:13,840 Without making a mess? Look, I've already put mud in. Yes. 820 00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,840 Well, that's really upset me. 821 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:23,280 Um, how do I not... OK, and it rolls. OK. 822 00:35:23,320 --> 00:35:26,840 TEARING 823 00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:28,400 All right. 824 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,600 This isn't so bad. 825 00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:34,360 No... SQUIRTING 826 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:36,440 SHE SNIGGERS 827 00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,200 AIR ESCAPING 828 00:35:39,240 --> 00:35:42,040 AIR GUSHING 829 00:35:42,080 --> 00:35:44,160 OK. 830 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:45,400 Oh, Jeez. 831 00:35:45,440 --> 00:35:46,520 Oh. 832 00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:48,480 GROANING SEXUALLY 833 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:50,040 Fucking hell. 834 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:53,240 Uh. Ooh, excuse me. 835 00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,920 There's probably someone who could have done it in, like, two minutes, 836 00:35:56,960 --> 00:35:59,680 but how do you do that cleanly, unless you have a novel idea 837 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:01,520 and I left my novel ideas at home. 838 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:04,000 This is such fuuuuun. 839 00:36:04,040 --> 00:36:06,640 How is it on the bottom? 840 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,800 How much orange are you seeing there, Al? 841 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:09,880 Oh, loads. 842 00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,920 I mean, that's pretty green, if I'm honest. 843 00:36:15,160 --> 00:36:16,760 Oh. 844 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:20,160 HUMMING La la la la. 845 00:36:21,520 --> 00:36:23,680 SPRAYING 846 00:36:23,720 --> 00:36:25,200 Yes! 847 00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,240 Oh, like a dream. 848 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:28,760 Please, stay upright. 849 00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:35,560 No, no, no, no, no. 850 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:42,080 Boink. 851 00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:44,320 I said, good day, sir. 852 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:48,200 And stop the clock. 853 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:55,200 Very effective space hopper painting all round. 854 00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:57,440 You looked like a professional plasterer, to be honest. 855 00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:00,480 It was the best way to cover the most surface area. 856 00:37:00,520 --> 00:37:04,120 Had I been genius enough to, one, break the ball down, 857 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:07,200 and, two, think, "Oh, you can actually clean up after yourself," 858 00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:08,816 this would have been a different endeavour. 859 00:37:08,840 --> 00:37:11,040 You did do a lovely job and it was very effective. 860 00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:14,600 I feel there was something slightly more sinister going on over here 861 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:16,000 when you popped my childhood. 862 00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,080 That's cos I never got one. 863 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,360 Oh. Ah. 864 00:37:19,400 --> 00:37:22,520 {\an5}I'll get hold of a couple of them and we'll go through Hyde Park. Can we? 865 00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:24,760 Right. Break number three. 866 00:37:24,800 --> 00:37:28,000 Just time for you to ban your children from social media 867 00:37:28,040 --> 00:37:29,440 {\an5}and start holding them. 868 00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:31,760 {\an5}APPLAUSE 869 00:37:36,880 --> 00:37:39,000 {\an5}APPLAUSE 870 00:37:39,040 --> 00:37:41,040 Hello. Welcome back to the final part of the show. 871 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,240 Oh, I can't believe it's nearly over. 872 00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:45,960 I was meant to mime crying, but I wasn't quite ready for it. 873 00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:47,880 Anyway, before the break, 874 00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:51,240 {\an5}our contestants were trying to paint a space hopper without making any mess. 875 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,800 It's proving tricky to achieve perfection, but, 876 00:37:53,840 --> 00:37:56,120 and it's the only time I'll say this in this series, 877 00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,880 if anyone Khan... Guz Khan. 878 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:04,240 Oh, hold on a second, Alex, baby. Look at this. 879 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,720 OK. Now make a mess. 880 00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:12,240 {\an5}I mean, I'd like to make this sound more scientific than it's about to be, but... 881 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:14,360 ..we're just gonna make this shit green. 882 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:16,320 Was there any time limits involved? 883 00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:17,760 It's fastest wins, Guz. 884 00:38:17,800 --> 00:38:19,080 Oh, is that the one, then? 885 00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:20,400 Better get on. 886 00:38:21,920 --> 00:38:23,040 Ooh. 887 00:38:26,680 --> 00:38:27,800 Whoo-hoo. 888 00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:28,960 Drips, innit? 889 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:30,880 You gotta be careful of the drips, brother. 890 00:38:32,320 --> 00:38:33,360 Feels so good. 891 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:37,240 You got some perverts making these tasks, bro. 892 00:38:42,280 --> 00:38:45,560 Is it weird that I want to slap it a little? I don't think that's weird. 893 00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:46,760 Are you gonna slap it? 894 00:38:46,800 --> 00:38:48,920 D'you wanna slap it? I wouldn't mind you slapping it. 895 00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:51,360 SLAPPING 896 00:38:51,400 --> 00:38:53,680 Whaaat?! 897 00:38:53,720 --> 00:38:55,200 I made a lot of mess. 898 00:38:57,440 --> 00:38:59,600 Oh, no. 899 00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,000 Oh, no. 900 00:39:01,040 --> 00:39:04,480 Get in there. Safety first, brother. 901 00:39:21,160 --> 00:39:23,640 You was standing there, you could have told me. 902 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:24,800 You could have warned me. 903 00:39:24,840 --> 00:39:25,880 Um, sorry. 904 00:39:27,760 --> 00:39:29,840 Well, at this point, I might as well get messy. 905 00:39:29,880 --> 00:39:31,280 Enjoy ourselves and shit. 906 00:39:33,560 --> 00:39:34,800 Happy, Alex? 907 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:55,000 Stop the clock. 908 00:39:55,040 --> 00:39:57,560 If you had told me that this thing was slipping, 909 00:39:57,600 --> 00:39:59,000 we could have won this task. 910 00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:00,320 OK. Well, next time. 911 00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,000 Good night, Guz. 912 00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,880 See YOU later. 913 00:40:06,840 --> 00:40:08,880 APPLAUSE 914 00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:11,920 I mean, that had everything. 915 00:40:11,960 --> 00:40:13,600 That had everything, that attempt. 916 00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:14,880 Disasters, 917 00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,360 there was blame apportioned. 918 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:20,360 Because you, presumably thought Alex should have been watching it, 919 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:22,360 as it was slipping out of its harness, 920 00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:23,520 and warned you in time? 921 00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:25,960 It was not a team thing, but I thought we was friends. 922 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:29,000 And shall I tell you what made it loose, as well? Yep. He was like, 923 00:40:29,040 --> 00:40:30,080 "Oh, slap it again, Guz." 924 00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:33,440 I was slapping it four, five times 925 00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:36,600 {\an5}and he was like, "Spit on your hand," and I was like, "All right, then." 926 00:40:36,640 --> 00:40:40,200 {\an5}I was slapping and it came really loose, because of that slapping business. 927 00:40:40,240 --> 00:40:43,440 {\an5}I liked it when you slapped it. DESIREE: We all liked it when you slapped it. 928 00:40:43,480 --> 00:40:45,936 MORGANA: We loved it. There's no-one here who didn't enjoy that slap. 929 00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:47,520 All right. 930 00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,200 Well, Guz, all I can say is 931 00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:51,480 I'm sorry that Alex let you down in so many ways. 932 00:40:51,520 --> 00:40:53,216 Thank you for acknowledging that. Thank you. 933 00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:55,056 Anyway, we have to deal with facts, unfortunately. Facts. 934 00:40:55,080 --> 00:40:58,400 I don't know how you wanna do it? If you wanna do it just on speed? 935 00:40:58,440 --> 00:41:00,640 Oh, God. Or you wanna do it on the most green? 936 00:41:00,680 --> 00:41:03,760 You tell me what the scores are according to time. 937 00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:05,280 Well, Guz wins, weirdly. 938 00:41:05,320 --> 00:41:07,400 OK. Then Desiree, then Alan, 939 00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,120 then Morgana, then Victoria. 940 00:41:09,160 --> 00:41:11,240 But, we've got to punish mess, Alex. Course we do. 941 00:41:11,280 --> 00:41:12,840 GUZ GASPS 942 00:41:12,880 --> 00:41:14,280 And we have to reward greenness. 943 00:41:14,320 --> 00:41:17,080 We're gonna have to score each one 944 00:41:17,120 --> 00:41:19,240 by all of those three criteria. 945 00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,560 Then we're gonna have to divide their final points 946 00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:24,080 by three. Well, that sounds like a laugh. 947 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:25,320 Yeah? 948 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:26,936 So, we've done speed. Let's do greenness. 949 00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:28,440 Well, Morgana's was the greenest. 950 00:41:28,480 --> 00:41:30,840 Right. Then, we have, weirdly, Guz. 951 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:32,600 Yup. 952 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:35,400 Then Alan, then Desiree, then Victoria. 953 00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:36,560 And mess? 954 00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:37,800 The cleanest was 955 00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,120 Victoria. 956 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:40,800 Then Morgana, Alan, 957 00:41:40,840 --> 00:41:43,000 then Desiree, then the mucky puppy, Guz. 958 00:41:43,040 --> 00:41:45,920 Five... 959 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:47,240 ..one... 960 00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,000 ..you talk amongst yourselves. 961 00:41:49,040 --> 00:41:51,400 I got seven for one, 962 00:41:51,440 --> 00:41:52,560 Desiree got eight, for two, 963 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:54,360 Alan got nine for three, 964 00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,280 Guz got ten, for four, 965 00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:58,136 Morgana got 11 for five. GUZ: - Yeah, that's it. 966 00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:00,480 Victoria has scored it for us. She's completely right. 967 00:42:00,520 --> 00:42:01,840 So, Victoria, one point. 968 00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:03,720 Two points to Desiree. Three points to Alan. 969 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:05,040 Four, incredibly, to Guz. 970 00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:08,080 Despite the explosion, five points to Morgana Robinson. 971 00:42:08,120 --> 00:42:10,480 Oh, I'll take that. 972 00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:14,440 Guz, you can't believe you got four points for that fiasco. 973 00:42:14,480 --> 00:42:17,840 So, can we ogle at the scores? 974 00:42:17,880 --> 00:42:19,800 We can ogle at the scores. It's still close. 975 00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,080 There's two people in last place - Desiree and Victoria, 976 00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:24,760 but Guz and Morgana are both in the lead with 15 points. 977 00:42:24,800 --> 00:42:26,280 APPLAUSE 978 00:42:26,320 --> 00:42:28,880 Right. 979 00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:31,560 Please, will you make your way to the stage for 980 00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:33,280 the final task of the show? 981 00:42:33,320 --> 00:42:35,880 CHEERING 982 00:42:38,840 --> 00:42:41,560 Well, don't you all look delightful? 983 00:42:41,600 --> 00:42:44,440 Alex, who will be reading this task out, please? 984 00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:46,200 Guz Khan is gonna read it out. 985 00:42:46,240 --> 00:42:48,680 "Put on the medallion. 986 00:42:48,720 --> 00:42:50,960 "You must not take off your jacket, 987 00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,760 "or break the box. 988 00:42:52,800 --> 00:42:54,280 "Fastest wins." 989 00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:55,560 So, you'll start on my whistle. 990 00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:57,800 There is a fish tank on each of your tables. 991 00:42:57,840 --> 00:43:00,256 That's to put things in that you might find that doesn't help. 992 00:43:00,280 --> 00:43:02,240 Fastest wins. Other people do get points, too. 993 00:43:02,280 --> 00:43:05,080 Good luck. Your time starts... WHISTLE BLOWING 994 00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:06,640 And they're off. 995 00:43:09,800 --> 00:43:14,720 ITEMS CLATTERING 996 00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:15,960 Oh, what've you found, Alan? 997 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:18,320 Alan's found a key. 998 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:20,680 Oh, an ALAN key! AUDIENCE GROANING 999 00:43:20,720 --> 00:43:23,720 It's not the right key for this. He says it's not the right key. Ah. 1000 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,120 What is this? 1001 00:43:25,160 --> 00:43:26,960 CLATTERING 1002 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,040 What've you found, Guz? 1003 00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:29,440 There's a key in here. 1004 00:43:29,480 --> 00:43:31,160 Oh, it's not the right key. 1005 00:43:31,200 --> 00:43:33,960 Victoria is looking inside a satsuma for a key. 1006 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,480 I'm just... because I'm just peckish. 1007 00:43:37,560 --> 00:43:38,680 What's the problem, Alan? 1008 00:43:38,720 --> 00:43:42,360 {\an5}Well, there appears to be something in the lining and I can't work out how to get in. 1009 00:43:42,400 --> 00:43:44,000 Right. DESIREE: Oh, whatever. 1010 00:43:44,040 --> 00:43:45,720 Someone has got into a box. 1011 00:43:45,760 --> 00:43:48,640 And that someone is Guz Khan. What have you found, Guz? 1012 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:50,640 It's another box. 1013 00:43:53,160 --> 00:43:54,280 Oh! 1014 00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:56,760 Whoa. Guz Khan's got the medallion on. 1015 00:43:56,800 --> 00:43:59,400 Oh, we have somebody else who's into a box over there. 1016 00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:00,560 That's good news. 1017 00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,720 MORGANA: Oh! I don't think I've got one. 1018 00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,280 We have another medallion - Desiree Burch. 1019 00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,720 And yet, she doesn't look at all pleased. 1020 00:44:07,760 --> 00:44:08,800 Yes, D! 1021 00:44:08,840 --> 00:44:10,080 DESIREE: Jesus. 1022 00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:11,520 Alan is into the second box. 1023 00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:13,120 I don't think I got a key. 1024 00:44:13,160 --> 00:44:14,200 Yes, you do. 1025 00:44:14,240 --> 00:44:17,120 I didn't get a key. You did get a key, Morgana. I didn't. 1026 00:44:17,160 --> 00:44:18,240 Well, where is it, then? 1027 00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:20,720 I know I'm missing another key, I think. 1028 00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,960 {\an5}MORGANA: Is the key in the same place for everyone? It was the same for everyone. 1029 00:44:24,000 --> 00:44:26,080 Is there a third key then, Alex? 1030 00:44:26,120 --> 00:44:27,520 Yes, there's a third key. 1031 00:44:27,560 --> 00:44:29,120 Is it in the satsuma? 1032 00:44:29,160 --> 00:44:31,216 VICTORIA: No, I've eaten the satsuma. It's not in there. 1033 00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:34,160 Guz finished half an hour ago. 1034 00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:36,040 MORGANA: I mean... what?! 1035 00:44:36,080 --> 00:44:38,040 ALAN: There are three keys for this. 1036 00:44:38,080 --> 00:44:39,800 DESIREE: Yes, but you only need two. 1037 00:44:39,840 --> 00:44:43,240 It looks like Morgana's now found the key. 1038 00:44:43,280 --> 00:44:44,296 SHOUTING: It's not fitting. 1039 00:44:44,320 --> 00:44:47,840 Well, there isn't anywhere else. 1040 00:44:49,920 --> 00:44:51,760 We've got progress here from Alan Davies. 1041 00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:52,960 Yeah. 1042 00:44:53,000 --> 00:44:54,136 MORGANA SHOUTING: What?! Thank God. 1043 00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:58,360 Morgana is now into the red box. 1044 00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,440 We might be near the end, Greg. 1045 00:45:03,160 --> 00:45:05,200 APPLAUSE WHISTLE BLOWS 1046 00:45:05,240 --> 00:45:06,880 We're there. Four medallions on. 1047 00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,280 Four medallions. 1048 00:45:08,320 --> 00:45:11,400 We'll add those up and we'll add it to your final scores. 1049 00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:12,880 Join me down here. 1050 00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,480 APPLAUSE 1051 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:17,760 Welcome back. 1052 00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:21,200 I'm home. Exciting stuff. 1053 00:45:21,240 --> 00:45:25,080 {\an5}Yes. They were patting themselves down, looking for the keys and then putting the medallions on. 1054 00:45:25,120 --> 00:45:26,200 Yes, I know. 1055 00:45:26,240 --> 00:45:29,480 But Victoria never did put her medallion on, 1056 00:45:29,520 --> 00:45:32,000 so, she gets one point for coming last. Thank you. 1057 00:45:32,040 --> 00:45:35,240 Morgana took seven-and-a-half minutes to put her medallion on. 1058 00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:36,320 She gets two points. 1059 00:45:36,360 --> 00:45:38,400 Then it goes up to Alan, in third place. 1060 00:45:38,440 --> 00:45:39,680 Desiree, four points. 1061 00:45:39,720 --> 00:45:43,360 But, Guz just took one minute 35. And he gets five points. 1062 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:46,680 No-one's put a medallion on faster. 1063 00:45:46,720 --> 00:45:49,560 Yeah, so that means he's won the episode. 1064 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:53,560 With 20 points it's Guz Khan. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 1065 00:45:54,680 --> 00:46:00,160 He'll gain full access. Full access to your awesome squares. 1066 00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,320 You wanna go there now? MORGANA: No! 1067 00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:06,720 So, what have we learnt today? 1068 00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:09,840 We've learnt that Taskmaster teaches you a variety of things - 1069 00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:12,480 courage, perseverance, determination. 1070 00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:15,520 But none of us expected it to teach you survival skills. 1071 00:46:15,560 --> 00:46:16,560 So, remember, 1072 00:46:16,600 --> 00:46:18,880 next time you're stuck up a mountain with no food, 1073 00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:20,760 get your friend to chop their bottom off 1074 00:46:20,800 --> 00:46:22,000 and feed it to you. 1075 00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:24,320 That's it for this episode, 1076 00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:27,200 apart from showing a little more respect for our winner, 1077 00:46:27,240 --> 00:46:29,480 Guz Khan. CHEERING AND APPLAUSE